Margy McCallum
LMFT #155372

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Providing Online Therapy for California Individuals & Couples

One thing I find myself saying to clients all the time: For ADHD brains, movement is medicine.

I truly see this again and again in the therapy room. When people with ADHD start incorporating more regular movement into their day-to-day lives, they often notice big shifts in mood, focus, and motivation.

Here’s why:

Exercise acts like a natural stimulant-like boost for the brain, increasing dopamine and norepinephrine — neurotransmitters that support attention, motivation, and impulse control. These systems are often less efficiently regulated in ADHD brains.

Exercise has also been shown to:
• increase blood flow to the brain
• enhance executive functioning (planning, working memory, cognitive flexibility)
• increase brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which supports neuroplasticity and learning
• release endorphins that help regulate stress and mood

Even short bouts of movement can create a temporary boost in focus and cognitive control, while consistent exercise supports long-term brain regulation.

This is why it's no surprise that people tend to think more clearly after walking, running, weightlifting, pilates, dance, yoga, or biking.

People with ADHD often struggle with consistency and avoidance around exercise, which makes prioritizing movement even more crucial.

Exercise can help ADHD brains practice doing the hard thing instead of avoiding it. Because ADHD is linked to differences in motivation and reward processing, effortful tasks are often easier to avoid — especially when the reward isn’t immediate.

Consistently showing up for movement gives the brain repeated experiences of tolerating effort, following through, and receiving a meaningful dopamine reward afterward. Over time, this can strengthen pathways connected to persistence and reduce reliance on “quick dopamine” from scrolling, procrastinating, or novelty-seeking.

In this way, exercise can act as a practice for approaching challenges rather than avoiding them, which is a core skill for managing ADHD.

As I always say:
The best thing you can do for your brain is move your body. ESPECIALLY for ADHD brains.

I have found myself needing this reminder a lot lately.

We spend so much energy trying not to seem “cringe” that we end up flattening our personalities. We hold back what we authentically have to say, and then we wonder why we feel unseen, anxious, or disconnected. But the more we hide ourselves, the more we teach everyone else to hide too.

If we all stopped spending so much energy worrying about how we might be perceived, we’d probably share more, connect more, say funnier stuff, and create more interesting things.

Let yourself be seen. Be earnest and awkward. Be a little “cringe.” Let people judge you or not like you. The more we can do that, the more we can help others feel safe enough to do the same.

Being cool is a prison. To be cringe is to be free!

Let’s talk about a common therapy topic: intrusive thoughts. Almost all of us have them, or have had them at some point.

It’s so common to feel shame about these thoughts or to worry they mean we’re a bad person, that we want to be thinking them, or that they say something about our character. They don’t!

Intrusive thoughts stick because the brain flags them with fear, shame, guilt, and embarrassment. The brain pays extra attention to anything it perceives as a threat. That's why they are sticky!

The more we try to resist or dig into intrusive thoughts, the bigger of a threat they become to our brains, and the stronger they tend to grow.

The most effective way to handle these thoughts? Acceptance. Notice the thought, allow it to pass without resistance, and it naturally loses its power.

Acceptance is a practice- like a muscle we can strengthen over time. The more we notice and allow thoughts to pass without reacting, the less of a "threat" they become, and the less control they have over us.

You are not your thoughts!

#intrusivethoughts #intrusivethoughtsawareness #ocd #ocdrecovery #mindfulness #acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a common ADHD symptom, but it's one that many people don't know or talk about.

RSD is experienced as an overwhelming surge of emotional pain triggered by real or imagined rejection, criticism, or failure.

For people with ADHD, these reactions aren’t a matter of choice. They’re rooted in how an ADHD brain processes emotions and social threats.

RSD can look like: getting feedback at work and hearing “I’m terrible at my job,” even when the comment was meant to be constructive. It can look like freezing up in class when a question is asked, or avoiding class participation altogether because the thought of being wrong feels too scary. It can be staying up all night perfecting an email to avoid making a careless mistake. Sometimes it’s spiraling into “They must hate me” when a text goes unanswered, or rethinking a small thing you said for hours after a social interaction.

Why RSD happens: ADHD brains are wired differently for emotion regulation. They are more sensitive to reward and approval, so the absence of these cues feel especially painful. Meanwhile, hyperreactivity of the amygdala, reduced prefrontal regulation, and dopaminergic dysregulation heighten the salience of social threat and intensify emotional responses.

What helps RSD: Naming or labeling RSD can significantly reduce shame. Therapy tools like CBT and DBT teach ways to reframe thoughts (“They must think I’m worthless” → “Maybe they’re just busy”). ADHD medications often can turn down the volume on RSD thoughts. Self-compassion shifts the narrative from “I'm too sensitive” to recognizing sensitivity as a strength that can be harnessed.

Key takeaway: RSD is a real, brain-based sensitivity for people living with ADHD. With awareness, proper medication, support, and self-kindness, people with ADHD can learn to face feedback, rejection, and evaluation with more resilience.

#rejectionsensitivedysphoria #adhdawareness #adhd #adhdwomen #adhdtherapist #rsd

little therapy truth

#losangelestherapist #atomichabits

Anger gets a bad rep, but it’s actually one of the most useful emotions we have. 🔥

It’s a mobilizer—your mind and body’s way of saying: ‘Something isn’t right here.’ Anger points you toward what you care about, helps you set boundaries, and gives you the energy to take action.

If we disown our anger, we will probably not be able to speak fully honestly, set the boundaries we need to, and choose relationships that feel safe.

Instead of fearing anger, try listening to it. Anger is information. And especially for women, who are often taught to disown or silence their anger, reclaiming it can be powerful, protective, and so healing.

I think about this post from @jemima_jo_kirke a lot.

So much our anxiety comes from being stuck in our own heads.

The self-focus loop:
“Do they like me?”
“Am I doing enough?”
“What’s wrong with me?”

Research shows: the more we fixate on ourselves, the worse we tend to feel.
The more we focus on others—connecting, listening, helping—the less we tend to spiral and suffer.

Next time you find yourself hyper-fixating how you're being perceived, try to shift the focus away from self for a minute. Do something for someone else. Give something, ask how someone else is doing, or send a nice text.

It’s not about disappearing or neglecting ourselves. It’s about getting out of the echo chamber of self-criticism and self-focus.

Big life update: I’m officially a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in California 🎉

After five years, a master’s degree, 3,000+ hours, 500 family hours, 2 long ethics and clinical exams, practicum and associateship, and a lot of supervision, trainings, treatment plans, progress notes, (and tears), I’m now fully licensed and in private practice!!

This journey has stretched and shaped me in all the right ways. I’m proud of the work it took to get here, and so grateful to the mentors, colleagues, clients, and friends who supported me along the way.

I also started a business (!): Margy McCallum Therapy Inc. More to come soon, but for now I am celebrating this moment and everything it took to be here now. ❤️

#LMFT #Therapist #PrivatePracticeTherapist #CaliforniaTherapist #BusinessOwner #MargyMcCallumTherapy

lovely quote a colleague shared today, whoever needed this reminder 🌊

#ecotherapy #rumi #rumiquotes

a little wisdom from one of my favorite artists �❤️

#georgiaokeeffe #therapy #erp #acttherapy #mentalhealthquotes

This is the anxiety-avoidance cycle:
1. Anxiety shows up. Our nervous system detects a threat (real or perceived).
2. We avoid. We step away from the situation, pushing down the discomfort.
3. Short-term relief. Avoidance calms the anxiety for now.
4. Long-term reinforcement. Our brain learns that avoidance = safety, making the next encounter feel even more overwhelming.

The cycle repeats, and the situations we avoid start to grow. What began as dodging one uncomfortable conversation can expand into avoiding all conflict. What started as skipping one event can turn into isolating from our friends and family. Anxiety slowly begins to take up more space, and our lives, in comparison, feel smaller.

Avoidance works in the short term. If a conversation feels overwhelming, we might postpone it. If a social event sparks panic, we might cancel. If a past trauma resurfaces, we might push it away. In the moment, this brings relief. But over time, avoidance teaches the brain that the feared situation really is dangerous—even if, logically, we know it isn’t.

Breaking the cycle doesn’t mean forcing ourselves into overwhelming situations all at once. It means taking small, intentional steps toward what we fear, letting our nervous system learn that we can handle discomfort- and we don't have to avoid it. It’s not about eliminating anxiety—it’s about building trust in our ability to move through it.

Avoidance is how anxiety maintains itself. Exposure is how we can find relief.

#anxietysupport #anxietyawareness #mentalhealth #therapist #anxietyrelief #anxietycycle

Hard times become more bearable when we’re not carrying the weight alone.

In moments of uncertainty, like during wildfires or other upheavals, what matters most isn’t having all the answers but having people to share the questions with. It’s not dramatic or overly sentimental—it’s human.

A safe connection allows us to feel the fear without being consumed by it, to grieve without getting lost in despair, and to hope even when the future feels uncertain.

When we show up for each other, even in the smallest ways, we create the kind of safety that sustains us. It’s a reminder that while we can’t control everything life throws at us, we can always choose to be a steady presence for those we care about.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, try to resist the urge to self-isolate. Lean on community and the people you love. Connection gets us through!

#connection #gabormate #drgabormate #traumahealing #emdrtherapy #therapist

whoever needs to hear this today! 💫

#acceptance #acceptancecommitmenttherapy #letgo #letgoorbedragged #affirmation

One of my favorite quotes by Carl Jung 💫

#carljung #carljungquotes #jungianpsychology #psychology #therapist

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that translates roughly to “a reason for being” or “a reason to wake up in the morning.” It’s about finding the sweet spot in life where four key elements intersect:

What You Love: This is your passion—things that light you up, that make time fly by when you're doing them. It could be anything from creating art to helping others, or even simply being in nature.

What You’re Good At: These are your skills and talents, both developed and inherent. What comes naturally to you? What do you do well without much effort? It could be anything from problem-solving to making people feel heard.

What the World Needs: This is about purpose—considering what you can contribute to the world. What issues resonate with you? What are the needs in your community, your field, or society that you feel compelled to address?

What You Can Be Paid For: This is the practical side, where you think about how to sustain yourself. What can you offer that others would pay for, whether it’s a service, skill, or product? It’s about finding a way to align your passions and talents with a livelihood.

At the center of all these four things, where they all overlap, lies your ikigai. Ikigai not about having a big revelation that you have to be doing one thing perfectly forever. It's about gradually finding ways to live a life that feels meaningful, authentic, and fulfilling.

Ikigai can be applied in many ways: it might be your career, a side project, or how you spend your free time. The important thing is that it’s a guide to help you feel more connected to what truly matters to you.

Exploring your ikigai is an ongoing process of reflection, experimentation, and growth.

Ikigai is a way of creating a balanced life, where your passions and skills coexist with purpose and practicality.

#ikigai #ikigaibook #psychology #therapist #mindfulness #positivepsychology

Even if you’re getting a full 8 hours of sleep, you can still feel exhausted. The reason: rest is more than just sleep.

Research shows there are 7 types of rest, and each tackles a different kind of fatigue:

1) Physical Rest: Feeling physically drained is not always about sleeping more. Stretch, try yoga, get a massage, or move your body gently to release tension and improve circulation. Of course, quality sleep is still key for recovery.

2) Mental Rest: If your brain won’t stop racing, give it a break. Step away from work for a few minutes, journal your thoughts, or practice mindfulness. Even quick pauses can help you regain focus.

3) Sensory Rest: Staring at screens, hearing constant noise, or dealing with bright lights all day can send your senses into overload. Take a tech-free moment, dim the lights, or sit in a quiet space to reset.

4) Creative Rest: If you're feeling stuck or uninspired, spend time in nature, listen to music, or explore art to spark your creativity again. Sometimes your brain just needs a little dose of creative inspiration to wake up.

5) Emotional Rest: Carrying emotional weight can be exhausting. Talk to someone you trust, express your feelings openly, or set boundaries with people who drain you. It’s okay to step back when you need to.

6) Social Rest: Not all social interactions are energizing. Spend more time with people who uplift you, and don’t be afraid to limit time with those who leave you feeling drained.

7) Spiritual Rest: If you're feeling disconnected, reconnect with your purpose through meditation, prayer, or something bigger than yourself, like volunteering or joining a community. Finding meaning can restore your energy in a profound way.

We often think of rest as "doing nothing," but it's much more than that. It’s about understanding where you’re feeling depleted and being intentional about recharging in that area.

By addressing the right kind of fatigue, you can restore your energy in a way that actually lasts.

#7typesofrest #rest #burnout #burnoutrecovery #burnoutrecoverycoaching #therapist #therapistsofla #therapistsofig

Thinking a lot about gratitude this week 🌟

Grateful for you all ❤️

#gratitude #therapist #losangelestherapy #psychology #positivepsychology #gratitudepractice

While guilt can be unpleasant, it’s not meant to be a lifelong sentence.

When processed skillfully, guilt can be an indicator of values or areas of personal growth.

If you can let the guilt guide you to make choices that align with your values, forgive yourself, and learn, guilt can become part of a growing process rather than a painful and immobilizing weight.

#emotionscience #guilt #therapist #mindfulness #ifstherapy #ifs #losangelestherapist

It feels entirely different to belong somewhere than to just "fit in."

Fitting in often requires changing, hiding, or watering down parts of ourselves to be accepted. It can leave us feeling fragmented, empty, or inauthentic.

Belonging, on the other hand, allows us to be all parts of ourselves and be accepted for exactly who we are. It feels way less draining, and it is much more sustainable over time.

We often mistake the two for each other, but they are actually opposites.

It is important to find people and places where we can feel an authentic sense of belonging, rather than settling for spaces where we have to change ourselves to fit in.

#belonging #brenebrownquotes #brenebrown #mentalhealth #authenticity

as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

we often project who we want someone to be onto a person who continues to show us, with their actions, that they are not that person and maybe they never have been.

we cannot let the idea of who we want someone to be blind us from seeing who they really are.

when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

#mayaangelou #mayaangelouquotes #therapist #realitytherapy #radicalacceptance

Yin and Yang is about the fundamental balance of contrasting energies in life.

It is a practice of acceptance and balance. Work and rest, joy and sadness, masculine and feminine, life and death, day and night, speaking and listening. There is harmony in the balance of all things.

Yin and Yang also remind us that nothing stands alone or fixed. Everything is interconnected and constantly changing. Seasons shifting, emotions evolving, plants blooming and dying. It is the cycle of these energies that keeps the world in harmony.

It calls us to recognize that no experience is ever entirely one thing. Life is never purely happy or purely difficult. Every moment holds layers. In tough moments, there's often something to learn or appreciate, and even in good times, there are challenges and imperfections.

Accepting this balance- the light along with the dark- helps us stay open and connected to the complexity of what it means to be human.

#yinyang #mindfulness #yoga #meditation #therapist #therapy #mbsr #cbt #balance

❤️

#maryoliverpoetry
#therapist
#togetherness
#collectivehealing
#chooseconnection
#mindfulness
#sharedstrength
#joy
#losangelestherapist
#humanisticpsychology

Election Day can feel overwhelming, especially when so much feels at stake. If you’re experiencing stress or anxiety, here are a few ways to steady yourself:

1. Control when you check the news:
Checking in constantly keeps your body in a state of low-level stress. Decide when and how often you’ll check the news, and hold yourself to it. Get updates in a focused burst instead of constant drip-feed; your anxiety will thank you. Choose a reliable source and avoid anything sensationalized.

2. Move—even if it’s just for 5 minutes:
Exercise doesn’t have to be an ordeal. A quick walk, a few stretches, or even some deep lunges in your living room can release pent-up energy and keep your body and mind on steadier ground. Think of it as giving your anxiety an exit.

3. Reach out to people who get it:
Connecting with people you trust can be hugely grounding. Whether it’s a supportive friend or a small group chat, sometimes just hearing, “Yeah, I’m feeling that way too” can help ease the isolation. Focus on those who bring a balanced perspective—not every friend or family member needs to be in your loop today.

4. Protect your energy from draining conversations:
Not every conversation today has to be about the election. It’s okay to step back from discussions that leave you feeling depleted or overwhelmed. Think of this as conserving your energy for the moments that matter most. Setting gentle boundaries is part of self-care.

5. Do something that anchors you:
Sometimes, distraction can be grounding. Cook a meal from scratch, pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read, or dive into a small project. Choose something that engages you fully. These little anchors can give your mind a break and bring you back to the present.

6. Remember your part in this:
Voting is a powerful action. Once you’ve done it, acknowledge that you’ve shown up in the way you can. It’s human to feel anxious about things beyond our control, but you’ve played your part. Remember that.

7. Allow yourself to feel what you feel:
If you’re exhausted or on edge, you’re not alone. There’s no “right” way to feel today, so let yourself experience what you need to without judgment.

We're in it together! ❤️

Core wounds: not the most glamorous topic, but most of us have some version of them!

I think it can be so helpful to get to know the core wounds underneath our core beliefs and behavioral patterns. This knowledge can help us get to know ourselves better, bring compassion to ourselves and the experiences that shaped us, and start to break patterns that might not serve us in the long run.

I wanted to share a bit about this topic in the hopes that someone might glean something from it. It can also be a great thing to explore in therapy!

Disclaimer: this does not constitute therapy or therapeutic advice.

#corebeliefs #corewounds #innerchild #innerchildwork #psychodynamictherapy #psychotherapist #corewounds #ifstherapy #therapy #psychodynamic #corebeliefs

a little reminder! 🍃

#dailyreminder #mindfulness #therapist #losangelestherapist #cbttherapy #ifstherapy #anniedillardquote

I think about this concept a lot. We often reject in others what we exile in ourselves.

When we suppress traits or emotions within us—like vulnerability or anger�—we tend to judge or dislike seeing those same qualities in others.

This can reflect our own inner conflict, highlighting what we haven’t yet accepted, what we won't allow, or what we haven't fully healed within ourselves.

What you reject in others can also be a map to what your values and priorities are as a person.

We can actually learn a lot about ourselves by what traits we reject in other people. Something I like to reflect on from time to time.

#ifs #ifstherapy #internalfamilysystems

love this poem by mary oliver 💛 have a great day y’all!

#wildgeese #maryoliver #poemoftheday #therapy

I’m sure at least a couple of these will sound familiar - I know they are for me!

Emotional avoidance strategies are natural responses that we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable or overwhelming emotions.

These behaviors, such as staying busy, overthinking, or using humor, often serve as temporary relief from distress.

While they can help us cope in the short term, they sometimes prevent us from fully processing our feelings.

Recognizing these patterns without judgment allows for self-awareness and opens the door to gradually addressing emotions in a way that feels safe and manageable.

These strategies aren’t inherently wrong—they are simply ways we’ve learned to navigate emotional discomfort.

Awareness can help us break some of these patterns if we feel they are getting in the way for us. Be kind to yourself!

In therapy, "name it to tame it" is so simple yet so crucial. When clients label their emotions, they tap into the brain's regulation system, shifting from raw emotional reaction to thoughtful response and logical thinking.

When you name an emotion—like fear or anger—you activate your prefrontal cortex, the brain's control center, and shift out of amygdala activation, the part of the brain that triggers fight-or-flight.

When you are flooded by emotion and overwhelm, take a step back, and say to yourself “Oh, I’m feeling really angry right now,” or “This is sadness,” "This is suffering," or “Wow, I’m feeling pretty embarrassed,” then notice what happens in your body. You may notice a physiological shift: a softening in your chest, slowing of your breath, and less urgent, frantic, or overwhelming thoughts.

Just the simple act of labeling what we are feeling and naming our underlying experience, particularly in the presence of a trusted connection, can help us make sense of our experience and reduce overwhelm.

#nameittotameit #neuroscience #nameittotameitemotions #cbt #cbttherapy #mindfulness #neuroscience #therapist #mindfulnesspractice #mbsr

Imagine you are the gardener, and your mental health is the garden you care for.

Like any garden, it needs time, attention, and patience. It doesn't bloom over night, and it's impacted by the weather- which is largely out of our control.

It's so easy to get lost in the weeds, but at the end of the day-- you are not the weeds. You are the gardener, and you have the tools to clear them away.

#therapist #mentalhealth #therapy #narrativetherapy #cbttherapy

You can be the most self-aware person in the world, analyzing every emotion and understanding exactly why you feel the way you do, but still suffer because intellectualizing your feelings isn’t the same as actually feeling them. Awareness without action is like mapping out a problem without solving it. You might know why you're hurting, but if you're not letting yourself truly experience those emotions, you’re just staying in your head, avoiding the real work of healing. Knowing and feeling are two different things, and both are necessary for real change. We don’t just change because of what we know. We change because of what we feel and what we do.

#intellectualization #somatic #somatictherapy #somatictherapist #acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy #therapist

Here is my take on a famous Polyvagal Theory nervous system arousal diagram.

Reflection questions:
- Which state do you find yourself in most often?
- What does it feel like in your body to be in a state of safety & connection? How about fight or flight? How about freeze?
- Who or what shifts you back into safety & connection mode?
- What early warning signs can you identify that show you might be moving into fight, flight, or shutdown?

To learn a bit more about Polyvagal Theory, check out my last post on this concept. I hope this is helpful for you!

#polyvagaltheory
#nervoussystemhealth
#traumainformed
#vagusnerve
#therapisttools
#mindbodyconnection
#somatictherapy
#traumahealing
#nervoussystemregulation
#safeandsound
#therapisttips
#resiliencebuilding

I love Polyvagal Theory!! Swipe to learn more ✨

Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system shifts from “protection” to “connection” mode.

It identifies three key states: the ventral vagal state (when we feel safe, connected, and socially engaged), the sympathetic state (our "fight or flight" mode), and the dorsal vagal state (when we feel overwhelmed and shut down).

These three states drive our emotions, behaviors, and physical reactions. By highlighting how these automatic responses help us survive, the theory also shows how they shape how we connect with others, manage stress, and face challenges.

If you're interested in learning more, look up Deb Dana's work on translating Polyvagal Theory. I hope you enjoy!

#polyvagaltheory #polyvagalinstitute #polyvagal #polyvagaltheoryintherapy #polyvagaltheoryandmindfulness #stephenporges #debdana

Many people know and feel the pain that comes from death or loss of a loved one. Here are some examples of different types of grief that you may be experiencing:

Loss of a Relationship: The end of a romantic relationship, divorce, or a close friendship can leave a deep emotional void and sense of loneliness.

Loss of Health: Receiving a diagnosis or facing a long-term health change can bring grief over lost abilities, independence, or the life you once knew.

Job Loss or Career Change: Losing a job or shifting careers can be devastating, especially if your work was closely tied to your identity, sense of purpose, or financial security.

Loss of Identity or Role: Major life transitions like becoming an empty nester, retiring, or aging can create grief as you adjust to a new sense of self or purpose.

Loss of Financial Stability: Financial setbacks or losing long-held resources can be overwhelming and create grief for the security and comfort you once had.

Moving or Relocation: Leaving a familiar home or community can be heartbreaking, especially when it involves losing meaningful connections or the comfort of a place you loved.

Loss of Safety or Security: After experiencing trauma or events that shatter your sense of safety, it’s normal to grieve the peace of mind and trust in the world that was lost.

Loss of Dreams or Expectations: When cherished hopes or plans for the future fall apart, it’s natural to grieve for the life you envisioned but can no longer have.

Loss of a Pet: Losing a beloved pet can be incredibly painful, bringing deep sadness and a sense of missing the unconditional love they provided.

Grief can arise from many kinds of loss, and many forms we don't always acknowledge. All of these losses can lead to valid, real grief.

Your pain is worthy of recognition, no matter the type of loss you’re experiencing.

Setting boundaries is a loving act! A lot of people mistake setting boundaries as selfish or mean. However, we can't have authentic, strong, and loving connections without boundaries.

By clearly defining personal limits, both people in the relationship are better able to understand and honor each other's needs. This understanding helps prevent resentment and burnout- things that often deteriorate relationships over time.

Boundaries create a safe space where both individuals can thrive, ensuring the relationship remains healthy, balanced, and sustainable over the long term as people grow and change.

The way I see it, boundaries aren't walls—they’re bridges. They keep the relationship strong, balanced, and sustainable. They ensure both individuals feel valued and understood, and they are a necessary infrastructure that paves the way for lasting connection.

I personally love IFS because it's so refreshingly non-pathologizing. It approaches the different parts of the human psyche with compassion, understanding, and curiosity rather than with shame, fear, and the need to "fix."

IFS is useful if you're a clinician wanting to understand and work with trauma, or even if you're a person wanting to gain a better understanding of yourself.

“A part of me wants this, but another part of me wants that.” IFS is based on the thought that the human psyche has differing parts. IFS allows us to hold and explore these parts with a sense of expansiveness, rather than feeling defeated or confused about these internal contradictions.

IFS helps clients to name, understand, and separate themselves from their suffering, and to cultivate more of a sense of self. It gives clients a framework to explore their defensive and destructive behaviors, get to the core wound beneath those behaviors, heal those wounds with compassion and care, and rebalance those "protective" behaviors and find real relief.

Here is a quick 101 of some of the core concepts of IFS. If you're interested in learning more, I highly recommend the book "No Bad Parts" by Dr. Richard Schwartz (the creator of IFS). There are also tons of IFS information and trainings online. I hope you enjoy!

#ifstherapy #internalfamilysystems #ifs #ifstherapists #therapymodality

Hooray! Wanted to take a moment to celebrate this with y'all.

EMDR has completely changed my therapeutic practice for the better; not only for working with trauma but also limiting core beliefs, anxiety, depression, and many types of psychosomatic symptoms.

Training in EMDR has been one of the most rewarding and fascinating experiences in my career so far, and I am so excited to share more about it here with you all.

If you have any questions about if EMDR might be for you, reach out! I'd love to chat all things EMDR, provide any resources, and answer any questions you may have.

If you're a therapist looking to get trained in EMDR, I highly recommend EMDR Consulting!

#emdrtherapist #emdrtherapy #emdria

The pursuer-distancer dynamic is a common relationship pattern.

In this dynamic, one partner tends to pursue emotional closeness and intimacy (the pursuer), while the other tends to avoid or distance themselves from such closeness (the distancer). This dynamic can lead to significant challenges in the relationship and may contribute to feelings of frustration, resentment, and misunderstanding between partners.

Dynamics and Impact:
- The pursuer’s attempts to seek closeness can inadvertently push the distancer further away, reinforcing a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal.
- Misunderstandings and conflicts often arise from the mismatch in intimacy needs and communication styles.
- Over time, both partners may feel resentful and frustrated — the pursuer for feeling neglected, and the distancer for feeling pressured.

Causes and Maintenance:
- Often linked to attachment styles (e.g., anxious-preoccupied pursuer, dismissive-avoidant distancer) developed in childhood relationships with caregivers.
- The dynamic can become entrenched as each partner’s behaviors reinforce the other’s, making it difficult to break the pattern.
- Stress, life changes, or unresolved personal issues can exacerbate these roles.

Addressing the Dynamic:
- Developing awareness and recognizing the pattern and its impact is crucial for both partners.
- Learning effective communication, active listening, and conflict resolution techniques can help bridge the gap.
- Both partners may benefit from individual therapy to explore underlying issues and develop healthier relational patterns.
- Finding a middle ground where both partners’ needs for closeness and autonomy are respected can help restore balance in the relationship.

The pursuer-distancer dynamic highlights how differing emotional needs and coping strategies can create tension in relationships.

If this dynamic looks familiar to you, you’re not alone! There’s tons more information about this dynamic online, and it's a great thing to explore in therapy. Thanks for reading!

#pursuerdistancer #gottmaninstitute

In honor of completing my 10 hours of EMDR consultation, let's talk EMDR!

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy incorporates a framework for understanding how core beliefs are formed, which is integral to its approach in treating trauma and related issues.

Here’s a breakdown of how core beliefs are thought to form in the context of EMDR:

Core beliefs are often rooted in early life experiences, particularly those that are traumatic or highly impactful. During childhood, we may develop beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world based on how we interpret and make sense of these experiences.

For example, a child who experiences neglect may develop a core belief that they are unlovable or unworthy.

Traumatic events or negative experiences can distort our perception of ourselves and others. During distressing events, we form negative beliefs (e.g., "I am powerless," "I am unsafe," "I am worthless") about ourselves that become ingrained.

These negative beliefs become core beliefs when they are repeatedly reinforced over time through subsequent experiences. For instance, someone who experienced bullying may develop a core belief that they are inherently weak or inferior.

Once established, core beliefs shape how we perceive and respond to new experiences. They can influence thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and even physiological responses. Core beliefs are often so deeply ingrained that they operate on a subconscious level, affecting daily life beneath conscious awareness.

Pairing bilateral stimulation with memory retrieval, EMDR facilitates the reprocessing of traumatic memories, allowing clients to update their beliefs about themselves and the world.

During EMDR sessions, as traumatic memories are targeted and processed, clients often gain new insights and perspectives. This process can lead to a reframing of core beliefs, replacing negative beliefs with more adaptive and positive ones.

For example, a core belief of "I am unlovable" might be reframed to "I am worthy of love and acceptance."

TLDR: EMDR is a powerful trauma therapy with potential to reframe the core beliefs that keep us stuck!

#emdr #emdrtherapy #emdrtherapist

ADHD is such a misunderstood diagnosis! When we hear "ADHD" a lot of people think about distractibility, forgetfulness, and attention difficulties. However, there is so much more to ADHD than what meets the eye.

To shed some light on the ADHD experience, I made this list of some of the most common ADHD related challenges people bring up in and out of the therapy room.

This is not a comprehensive list of commonly reported symptoms, but I hope it brings awareness to the fact that there's so much more to ADHD than just attention difficulties!

If you're interested in learning more about ADHD, I highly recommend the book 'How to ADHD' by Jessica McCabe. It explores these symptoms and more (like info dumping, relationship difficulties, time and money management challenges, etc.) and how to effectively manage them in ourselves and others!

#adhdawareness #adhdwomen #adhd #neurodivergent #adhdbrain

Let’s talk about exposure!!

A lot of our suffering comes from our avoidance response to fear. To avoid danger, our brains try to pull away from things that cause us fear, even when there is no real life-threat present.

Our brains often equate discomfort, change, unfamiliarity, and vulnerability with danger, even when these things are a necessary and normal part of life. Remember: our brains are programmed to keep us safe, not happy.

In response to fear, we might avoid applying for a job we want, avoid having a vulnerable discussion, avoid relationships, avoid social situations, avoid feeling our emotions, and avoid making changes in our lives that we know will serve us in the end.

While this avoidance feels nice in the short run, in the long run it leads to an overall increase in fear. What I like to say is: avoidance makes our fears bigger and our lives smaller.

Exposure, however, has the opposite effect. The more we expose ourselves to the things that scare us, the less power these things have over us, and the more expansive our lives become. Exposure makes our fears smaller and our lives bigger.

The more we expose ourselves to rejection, failure, imperfection, impermanence, the more we realize we can in fact tolerate these things. Emotional resilience isn’t “not feeling fear,” it’s being able to tolerate the fear, know that we can get through it, and not let it run our lives.

Exposure is one of the most powerful therapy tools (and life skills) I have ever come across. Do the thing, and do it scared. You will feel much better in the long run, and your life will get bigger and better.

You are capable of getting through much more than you think. You just have to show your brain that you can do it, even with the fear present.

#exposure #exposuretherapy #exposuretherapyworks #exposuretherapytoolkit #therapist #therapytools #cbt

One of my favorite new listings on the shop!! 20% off shop-wide sale. ✨ TherapistGiftShop.Etsy.Com 🔗 Link in bio!

#radicalselflove #radicalselfcare #radicalacceptance #radicalselflovedate #radicalselfcompassion #radicalselfexpression

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), “Wise Mind” is a concept that refers to a state of mind that integrates both emotional and rational thinking. It’s a central aspect of mindfulness practice within DBT, aiming to help individuals make balanced and effective decisions, particularly when facing intense emotions or difficult situations.

Wise Mind is essentially a combination of the emotional mind and the rational mind:

Emotional Mind: This aspect of the mind is driven by emotions, impulses, desires, and feelings. When operating solely from the emotional mind, decisions may be impulsive, driven by immediate gratification or avoidance of pain.

Rational Mind: This aspect of the mind is driven by logic, reason, and facts. When operating solely from the rational mind, decisions may be overly analytical, ignoring or suppressing emotions and intuitive feelings.

Wise Mind involves finding a balance between these two states. It’s about recognizing and acknowledging your emotions without letting them overwhelm you, while also considering logical and rational factors in decision-making.

Here’s how one might describe Wise Mind:

Emotion + Reason: Wise Mind integrates emotional and rational thinking. It recognizes the validity of emotions while also considering logical reasoning.

Clarity and Insight: When in Wise Mind, there’s often a sense of clarity and insight. It’s like seeing a situation from a broader perspective, understanding both the emotional and logical aspects.

Intuition: Wise Mind often involves tapping into one’s intuition or gut feeling. This intuitive sense can complement rational analysis and emotional awareness.

Effective Decision-Making: Ultimately, being in Wise Mind facilitates effective decision-making. It allows individuals to respond skillfully to situations, considering both short-term and long-term consequences.

Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and grounding exercises, can help individuals cultivate and access their Wise Mind more readily. By developing this skill, individuals can navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and adaptability.

#dbt #dbtskills #dbttherapy #dbttherapist #therapy

Reflection question: am I motivating from a place of fear (I have to or else…) or care (I want to because…)?

If you’re constantly using fear as a motivator, you’ll probably start to feel the effects on your nervous system. You may find yourself in a space of chronic stress, anxiety, depression, or even burnout.

Fear as motivation can be thought of as bad gas for the tank ⛽️ with this fuel, your “car” will almost certainly break down over time.

However, when we motivate ourselves through care, for self, others, and something bigger, this motivation is much more sustainable over time.

We can think of this as good gas in the tank ⛽️ leaving your “car” running in steady, in good condition, for much longer.

When we notice operating from fear, shame and guilt, we can be mindful of switching our energy towards care, passion, and compassion. Practice this over time, and your nervous systems will thank you! ❤️

#motivation #polyvagaltheory #selfcompassion #therapistsofinstagram

Truly one of the best and most potent therapy books I have ever read.

This book explains Internal Family Systems in such relatable and approachable terms for therapists and clients alike. IFS changed my approach as a therapist and also deeply changed me as a person. ❤️

I highly recommend giving it a listen or reading it! If you do, let me know what you think!

#therapistbookshelf #therapistbookclub #therapybookclub #therapistsofinstagram

Emotions, fears, and anxieties are really just unprocessed energy in the body. Often times, we can’t think our way out of them. Rather, we have to move through that somatic energy.

Next time you’re feeling stuck in your head, see if you can drop into your body to process the emotion you’re caught in. Feel it, channel it, or move it out.

I like to call that Somatic Magic!! ✨

#somatictherapy #somaticawareness #somatichealing #somaticmovement

@reillyelle is the cutest psychologist with this new little mug!!! 💛☕️

check out more on therapist gift shop on Etsy! link in bio ✨

#therapistgiftguide #therapistgiftidea #therapistgifts

shifting our focus from product to practice:

it’s easy for us to understand that maintaining physical health is a practice. we know that for yoga and weight lifting, we show up consistently to practice. however, it’s often hard to apply the same principles to emotional and mental health.

self-compassion, mindfulness, gratitude, emotional awareness, behavior change- these are all practices, not products.

when we are fixated on instant results, on “having” or “not having,” we can miss out on the practice. we can beat ourselves up for not doing it “right” or “fast enough,” we can feel defeated or frustrated, we can let perfectionism, fear, shame, and guilt take over, and we can feel a pull to quit or pull back.

focusing on the practice rather than product, we know it’s not so black and white. we know it’s a process of showing up for ourselves over time, and it never has to be perfect.

if it’s hard at first, if it looks different day to day, if we need to take a rest day, we know it’s all a part of the practice.

embrace the practice and keep going! 💛

#mentalhealth #mindfulnesspractice #therapistsofinstagram

.pro-gallery-wix-wrapper {display: block !important;} .pro-gallery-wix-wrapper .gallery-item-container {opacity: 1 !important; display: block !important;}

Follow us on Instagram

@margymccallumtherapy

"Healing is not becoming the best version of yourself. Healing is allowing the worst version of yourself to be loved."

Unknown

About Me.

Hello! I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in sunny Santa Monica, California. I have experience in providing online psychotherapy services for adults, teens, and couples.

After experiencing the transformative power of therapy firsthand, I’m dedicated to creating a safe, compassionate, and supportive space for my clients to grow and heal. My studies in integrative health, training in mindfulness and self-compassion, and work with people impacted by cancer have colored who I am as a holistic therapist. I work from a mind-body approach and believe in integrative treatments that address the root cause rather than just surface symptoms. When I’m not in the therapy room, you can probably find me on traveling with my loving partner, geeking out about good food, or salsa dancing.

If you're struggling with mental health challenges or simply want to learn how to live a more balanced and fulfilling life, I would be honored to support you along your journey.

I see each client as a whole person rather than a diagnosis. That’s why I adapt my approach to therapy to your unique history, needs, and goals. I lead from a client-focused, heartfelt approach rooted in self-compassion, mindfulness, and a deep awareness of the mind-body connection.

As a humanistic therapist, I let my clients be the expert in their own experience, and I meet every client with lack of judgment and unconditional positive regard. I pull from evidence based treatments such as CBT, ACT, and DBT, while weaving in EMDR, Psychodynamic Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Narrative Therapy, and Polyvagal Theory.

Whether we are exploring relationship issues, ADHD, life transitions, anxiety, perfectionism, or burnout, I provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process what is on your mind. I help you break through old patterns, connect to your most authentic self, and build a life that feels balanced, integrated, and whole.

My Approach.

Contact Me

margymccallumtherapy@gmail.com

‪(323) 694-9044‬

Margy McCallum LMFT #155372

​